There’s something I wish more women spoke about — not in whispers, not with shame, but with curiosity and compassion.
It’s that quiet, creeping loss of wanting — the desire to connect, to feel sensual, to feel… like you again.
You’re not alone if you’ve found yourself saying,
“I love my partner, but I just can’t seem to switch on anymore”
or
“I feel like I don’t care if I never have sex again…. I don’t know how to get the old me back.”
For so many of the women I work with, it’s not just hormones causing their libido to flatline.
It’s deeper…..
More systemic…..
More emotional…..
And two of the most overlooked culprits?
Your nervous system and your liver.
Your Nervous System: The Unsung Hero (or Hijacker) of Desire
Your body has two main modes:
- Fight-or-flight (hello, stress, chaos, never-ending to-do lists)
- Rest-and-digest (where pleasure, connection, and intimacy live)
Guess which one you’re meant to be in when you feel desire?
……Rest-and-digest.
Now, guess which one most women are stuck in, all day, every day?
You got it…….Fight-or-flight.
Here’s a simple way to think about it:
If you were being chased by a tiger, would your body prioritise making love and having babies?
Of course not.
It would shut all that down to get you to safety.
And while you’re not literally running from a tiger, your body can’t tell the difference between actual danger and the kind of chronic stress modern life throws at you — endless responsibilities, work pressure, emotional overload, and that mental load we carry as women.
When your brain is scanning for threats — even small ones — your body’s not thinking about pleasure.
It’s thinking about survival.
Blood is redirected away from your reproductive organs and into your muscles. Your brain is prioritising adrenaline, not oxytocin.
And desire?………… That gets filed under non-essential.
Over time, you stop craving what your body no longer feels safe enough to experience.
Next, Enter Your Liver: The Quiet Gatekeeper of Hormonal Harmony
Now, let’s talk liver — that glorious, overworked organ doing around 500 hundred tasks a day, including processing:
- Used and no longer needed hormones like oestrogen
- Toxins from skincare, plastics, processed foods, and alcohol
- Excess stress chemicals like cortisol and adrenaline
When your liver becomes sluggish or overloaded — and let’s face it, many women in their 40s and 50s are living in this state — it struggles to clear out those used-up hormones and chemicals.
This leads to something I call hormonal traffic jams.
You may have enough oestrogen and progesterone on paper… but if they’re not being broken down and cleared properly, it’s like having a pantry full of expired food.
The signal for desire becomes fuzzy. Your energy drops. You feel flat, bloated, and disconnected from your body.
And that fiery, sensual woman inside you? She starts to feel like a stranger.
What About The Emotional Weight No One Talks About
Low libido isn’t just physical.
It’s emotional.
Many women tell me they feel guilty, ashamed, or even broken because they struggle to meet their partner’s needs.
Others are single and think,……“Why don’t I even want to want it anymore?”
But the truth is: you can’t access desire when your love cup is empty.
Midlife women are often running on fumes — giving everything to work, home, kids, parents, partners — and getting very little time to receive.
The body responds by shutting down non-essential systems……
And your libido?
As far as the body’s concerned — that’s non-essential in survival mode.
The Good News: You Can Reclaim Your Desire (Without Force or Shame)
This isn’t about performing or pretending.
This is about gently supporting the parts of you that have been ignored.
Here are a few of the first steps I walk through with my clients:
- Reset the Nervous System
- Try 5–10 minutes of breathwork, humming, or vagus nerve stimulation (like cold water face plunges or gargling).
- Herbal allies such as Withania, Passionflower, and Zizyphus can help calm the system without sedation.
- Love Your Liver Daily
- Start your day with warm lemon water or dandelion tea.
- Add bitter greens like rocket and parsley to meals.
- Reduce alcohol, refined sugar and packaged foods — your liver will thank you.
- Nourish Your Sensuality
- This doesn’t mean jumping into intimacy.
- Fill up your self-love cup….
- It can be as simple as taking time to sit and enjoy a cup of tea, wearing something that feels lovely, or lighting a candle at dinner just for you.
- Get Personalised Support
You don’t have to “fix” this on your own.
I work with so many women where this is just one piece of a bigger picture: hormones, stress, gut health, emotional depletion, and yes — relationship dynamics.
Final Words from My Heart to Yours
You are not broken.
You are not too old.
You are not beyond repair.
Your body has just been whispering, “I need care… not pressure.”
Let’s listen to her.
Let’s reset the systems that support your real, vibrant, sensual self — no shame, no quick fixes, no pretending.
If this speaks to you, I’d love to help you find that spark again — in your way, at your pace.
Want to explore this deeper?
Take the Midlife Wellness Quiz
Let’s gently uncover what’s been blocking your energy and desire — and begin the journey home to yourself.
Let’s make midlife your most connected chapter yet.
And if you’d like personalised support, you can book a Naturopathic Consultation with me — where we’ll look under the hood and build a tailored plan to get your spark back.
Teressa
Naturopath + Biochemist
Ready to kick start Gut Health? Book a Call!
This is how gut microbes can influence weight!
Probiotics can help you gain weight or lose weight by interacting with our genetics, food and metabolism.
And yes, I did say lose or gain weight……..
Firstly, let me explain that the trillions of microbes in the gut need to be varied, meaning that there should be a large variety of species. There are many different species (or breeds) of microbes, and they all have their place in aiding health — the more variety and balance, the better health results.
Back to the weight loss or weight gain issue….
Do you eat yogurt and berries for breakfast? Thinking that it’s helping you lose weight?
Well, Lactobacillus acidophilus (like the species found in yoghurt) has been connected to weight gain.
I am not saying throw your yoghurt and berries in the bin. Instead, I am suggesting looking at the overall picture. If Lactobacillus acidophilus is the predominant micro-organism of the gut, then weight gain can result.
It is about the variety of species of gut microbes. Imagine if we only have trained german shepherd guard dogs in the world. It may be a safe world, but I am sure that other breeds may be more suitable as a family pet.
While Lactobacillus acidophilus is associated with weight gain, other Lactobacillus species correlate with weight loss.
Species like Lactobacillus plantarum, Lactobacillus gasseri, and Bifidobacteria animalis have been found to support weight loss.
Want to lose weight?
Look at your gut flora to support your goal.
Tests can be performed to identify the predominant species of the gut, and specific species can be utilised to support weight changes.
Want more information about your gut health?
Or want to look at all the factors contributing to weight gain, I’d love to be able to help.
