Someone you love is upset. Before they’ve finished explaining the situation, you can feel it in your own chest. You’re already working out options on how to fix it, who to call and what they need.
You step in because that’s who you are. You’re the protector, the steady one, the person who makes things okay for everyone else.
Then when it’s over. They feel better and get on with their day, and you’re left shaky, with your heart thumping, and so tired you could lie down on the floor. Hours later the tears come, and you can’t quite explain why they are there.
If that sounds familiar, let me tell you about a woman I saw recently. I’ve changed her details for anonymity.
Her story
Over the past year she’d been through a couple of traumatic events that left her unsettled. Her energy was low and her mood was flat, almost apathetic. Things she used to care about felt far away, and the tears, they came easily.
She was also the person her local community turned to. When someone around her was struggling, she felt it in her own body and moved straight in to protect them.
Each of those moments had a cost: heart palpitations, shakiness, and a heavy weariness that lingered for hours afterwards.
She’d had her heart checked and blood tests done, and there was no heart disease. That was a relief, but it left her with the question so many women ask me: then why does my body feel like this?
Why helping costs you so much
When you’re wired as a protector, your body draws very little line between someone else’s crisis and your own. You see their distress, and your nervous system responds as if the threat is yours. Adrenaline rises, your heart rate climbs and your body braces to act. (I’ve explained more about how this stress response works in The Physiology of Overthinking.)
Experiencing trauma makes that response quicker and stronger. After the year she’d had, her nervous system was already on alert, scanning for the next thing that might go wrong. So, a worried phone call or a friend in trouble set off a full response.
The palpitations and shakiness arrived afterwards, as the adrenaline wore off and her body was left to deal with the aftermath. Her heart itself was healthy. It was responding to the surge of stress hormones.
Her blood tests showed one more piece of the picture: her iron was low. Iron carries oxygen and helps make the brain chemicals behind mood and motivation. When stores run low, the heart works harder and everything feels flatter. Ferritin is your body’s backup supply of iron, and hers had been running down while she was busy being everyone else’s backup. I’ve written more about this in Ferritin, Thyroid & Energy including why a “normal” result can still be too low for you.
When I explained all this to her, I could see her shoulders drop and some relief come over her face. She understood that her body had been doing its very best. It had been carrying a heavy load for a long time with very little left in the tank, and these symptoms were the body’s way of reacting.
The aftermath is telling you something
I asked her what the hours after one of these moments looked like. She described it perfectly: the shaking, the heaviness, needing to sit down, and then the tears later that night.
That after-crash is one of the clearest signs your reserve is running low. When there’s plenty in the tank, your body surges, settles and recovers. When the tank is low, the surge still happens, but recovery drags, and it comes out as exhaustion and emotion.
Most protectors push through it and pick up the next call. That’s how the reserve keeps shrinking.
What we did
We worked on two things together.
The first was protecting her energy. For a protector, the word “boundaries” can feel selfish, so we talked about it as timing. She still gets to be there for the people she loves. She simply chooses when. She takes calls when she’s feeling stronger and more resilient, often earlier in the day and after she’s eaten. Some calls go to voicemail, and she rings back when she has something to give. She also let the people closest to her know what she was doing, so they understood.
Her daughter, it turned out, had already told her the same thing. The people who love us often see the pattern well before we do.
The second was nourishing her body. We changed her food to support her nervous system. That meant magnesium-rich greens, nuts and seeds, protein at every meal to supply the building blocks for her brain chemistry, and regular meals so blood sugar dips weren’t adding another stress signal. She also started an iron supplement, guided by her blood results. Iron is something to test rather than guess, because too much carries its own risks.
A few weeks later
When she came back, the difference was obvious before she said a word. Her mood had lifted and she could think again. She felt more like herself.
The palpitations still show up occasionally. She’s still practising her boundaries, because for a lifelong protector that takes time. What’s changed is that her reserve is rebuilding, and she now understands what drains it.
If you’re the protector
Pay attention to how you feel afterwards. The shakiness, the heaviness and the unexpected tears are your body telling you the reserve is running low.
Two questions are worth sitting with:
- When do I genuinely have the energy to help, and could I offer it at those times?
- Has anyone checked my nutrition levels properly?
If you’re experiencing palpitations, it is important to get it checked by a medical professional, as she did. Then look beyond to see what other aspects can be contributing to the symptoms.
If this is you, I’d love to help. In a consultation we’ll look at your blood work, the load your nervous system is carrying, and what’s been draining your reserve. Then we’ll build a plan so you have energy for yourself first, and then for the people you love.
Teressa,
Naturopath | Clinical Nutritionist | Biochemist
Gold Coast Naturopath, Gold Coast Health, Naturopath Australia, Gold Coast Wellness, Holistic Health, Naturopathic Medicine, Functional Health, Midlife, Personalised Healthcare, Emotional Exhaustion, Ferritin and Energy, Stress and Heart Palpitations
